who am i

who am I? but a dream . who am I? but a fleeting thought- gone but not forgotten. who am I ? but destinies child. who am I ? but a fathers hope. who am I? but a mothers crowning glory. who am I? but a flowers best bloom. who am I ? but a ray of hope to someones gloom. who am I ? but the devils doom. who am I ? I am who I am through Christ my lord. amen and so be it.

my past,my present, my future

hello my name is sherry edgett and i once held on to my past like it was a badge of honor. you know look at what i did and how i got through this yes i gave god credit but i also treated it like it was my victory not his. how blind i was to fill this way. when i was young i grew up in a slightly dis functional family. my father was 18 years older than my mother and her first son was not my fathers but a product of rape and also incest being my half brother was my uncles son my moms brother. i know now this must of instilled great shame for her and i also believe she felt less than whole about herself because she had to see her rapist on a daily bases. i know from her story she married a man just to give my half brother a name and to cover the shame of this horrible event. not to mention raising him knowing he wasn't just a product of rape but also her brothers child. this caused my mother to have very little faith or trust in family and in her self but most of all in god himself. when she decided to really live for god she became and evangelist and was one hundred percent sold out to him. but there was one thing she could not bring herself to and that was to forgive her brother completely or herself even though it was not her fault and he was extremely drunk when it happened this does not excuse the act . so my mom grew up with a lot of guilt and anger even though she loved my brother looking at him was a constant reminder of that horrific act. she felt displaced as a woman and found her self in later years in some elicit affairs and taking some turns that led her in many wrong directions. when her first marriage went bust because her husband turned out not only to be abusive but gay also she found her and her son alone and having to work to support him . she went through a lot of ups and downs sometimes her son was living with family and some times with her . she remarried my father and they had five children in her own way she tried hard to be good wife and mother but i now realize many monsters still tormented her it showed in her every day life and her married life and her christian walk . she would some times gain ground when she let god in, does this sound familiar ? but even with all life dealt her in the long run she never gave up and i believe when she passed away in the emergency room there alone with no human comfort god was there and she finally made peace with all her past demons and was finally freed. and in someways i have followed the same paths she trod maybe in different areas some the same. i guess what i am saying we all have shame full secrets some bigger than others and some of us learn to hide them better. but what we must realize we have to let them go or they will eat us alive and cheat us of gods love and Devinne will. so my past is past and my present is healing my future bright. one thing i do know i do forgive my mother and my father for there mistakes but god is also allowing me to see my own need to forgive myself of my own past sins. yes i am a saved sanctified holy ghost filled christian who is finally finding herself in god. and letting go of all hurt anger self doubt , and lack of trust issues, abandonment issues, and the need to be in the center all the time in some way or the other. god is 100% my guide my Redeemer my healer my friend father, broker, banker, reallastate agent, counselor, saviour, teacher, lord of all. i may have made some major mistakes in my life and i used to beat myself up allot and put on a painted face of victory but no more from now on the face you see will be one of true deliverance and peace. because god is my top guide and his word is my salvation his son my redeemer his spirit my guide and armor bearer.

snts shiny new thingssyndrome

my husbands cousin sent me and email speaking of a personal yet probably widely shared problem. he even gave this personality disorder a name snts or shiny new thing syndrome. he went on to explain it like this that it slightly relates to adhd and add you decide to take on a project weather it be something you love or something you feel will give you that all encompassed boost you feel will move you up the ladder of exceptense it keeps you attention for a little while but if you don't get the immediate results or recognition that should come with this endeavor whether it be noble or not you quit and go on to the next shiny new thing and this becomes a pattern soon it spills over to your christian walk and every other part of your life like this incurable cancer your mind seems to never allow you to Finnish anything. you want to change but even with your best efforts it never really has the results your looking for. i know how he feels because i have suffered with snts most of my life i have come to the realization that when i actually let go and allow god to help me and i focus on him his face his words help a lot and although my mind is very active and it can run a million miles ahead of me if i let it when i ask god to slow me down and refocus me he does. i know my husbands cousin gene reads my little blogs i hope he reads this one. well hears a little pointer when you feel you need to go in a different direction ask god if he wants this for you if you feel peace then its god, then ask god to help you follow his plan and to keep his peace in you. and some of his self control start working on his plan and when you can see results and there positive and ask god to help you reveal this when he feels its time and you needn't curb your zeal but if your like me with a lot of unfinished projects you do this gods way you wont have to lay out your plan to the general public god will do that for you. the devil loves people with this disorder because he can keep them from ever listening to god and following through they will never win. people like us if we ever get on board with gods plans and stay focused and allow god to bring them to fruition the devil will run scared knowing he has lost a good section of people to hinder gods work we will be the true earth shakers and harvesters for Jesus so what can cure the shiny knew thing syndrome gene you and i have always had the cure its Jesus he will give you and me and countless others the cure that's always been there its called focus. so anyone reading this pray for gene he is a wonderful tool for god and is very talented. me i love to write and to do what ever god choose for me to do there are many of us who lack focus and are sometimes looking for the place we feel we belong, but what really matters is we focus on whats really important our place in Jesus and he always will show us when we ask . he will heal our lack of focus and keep our energy's where they belong being used by him. that's what i need so gene i thank you for your email and keep on striving to be the best gene ballou you can be and ask god for the focus and you will get there one step at a time.

cant sleep

here i am sleepless and my mind wondering all over the place . well what does one do when this time arises you can lay there driving yourself crazy tossing to and fro or you can get up read a book even the good book the bible always Good choice you can pray until you fill you've reached a point where you and god are on a good vibe together all these are fairly good things to do prayer is always good reading gods word even better. and sometimes getting to yourself and talking one on one not exactly praying but just having and up front open conversation with the big guy unloading everything that is either bothering you or you just need some private time with father god no one listening no TVs blaring in the back ground no radios no children pulling at your shirts saying Mommy or daddy just you and god talking to each other really listening for that inner voice him speaking to you and your really listening for a change . then when you've aired your grievances and you unloaded yourself you sit there and really listen in the quiet stillness and all of a sudden peace sweet unbridled silence and then you hear it he speaks you listen and everything clicks and all of a sudden the true peace full blissful sleep comes over you your eyes grow heavy your body relaxes and before you know it your back in bed all is well in the world and out you go. not sure why I'm writing this just wanted to i guess. sometimes we get so busy and we put to much on our plates we don't seem to make room for what really matters and that's the quiet times with our heavenly father, sometimes we only allow enough time for a hello but we don't really wait for the how are you or god what can i do for you today who do i need to bless today by you working through me to touch them and buy the Way god i just want to talk to you just a casual conversation i don't need anything just want to talk to you in general. we sometimes forget god doesn't just want to pull us out of the stupideness we we may have brought on ourselves or just be our healer or the give me give me he isn't Santa he god he's our friend simple heart to heart talk but we busy our selves and fool ourselves sometimes thinking being busy is doing what god expects don't get me wrong doing the right things for god is good but when you crowd so much in a day and you don't make time for the one who your doing this for then what good is it it's in the one one relationship you build with the father that truly empowers you to be the person he's created you to be. so just as we put aside time for family god should be the biggest part of your family he's the reason you have your family so i guess what I'm saying is my sleepless nights could because i just didn't slow down enough or put to many non essentials in the way and in my most unwarranted manner squeezed out time for the most important one in my life and that is the great I AM he is the only one that matters and i don't just want to touch Gods heart i want to truly know him and his son and the holy spirit . well i guess I'm finished just wanted to chat a bit. life has been a bit Topsy turfy for me i have been sick in the hospital and even through all this gods been there he is always there and god does use me but most of all i just want to be the blessing he intends me to be. so this might bless it might not sleepless in beebe. goodnight and gods speed

scars and all

my husbands cousin wrote a very good piece about asking yourself questions about why you do the things you do and a little about why we handle grief and how we handle grief. i felt this writing was awesome . it really made me think. it went something like this.the scripture came from Mathew 14:13-14 now when Jesus heard this,he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place apart. when the multitudes heard it , they followed him on foot from the cities. Jesus went out, and he saw and had compassion on them,and healed their sick. and based on this scripture and from john 11:35 why did Jesus weep. well we no when Jesus heard about his friend and relative john the baptist dieing or being beheaded. even worse this grieved him greatly so he pulled to his self as so many of us do when we hurt. and we question the why and how fors of it all. even though Jesus was Gods son is Gods son he still felt the pain of his loved one lost. just as my husbands cousin still feels the pain of his brothers loss for he truly isn't lost but has found his place in heaven just as Jesus cousin found his. but someone passing always grieves us and when it's tragic even more john lost his head Ronnie was killed tragically by a deer running in front of his motorcycle, both tragic both loved Jesus dearly and both family members grieved greatly and just as Jesus Had thoughes who loved and wanted to help him. my cousin has a good support group, also we ask our selves though, why do we get angry, why do we fill cheated ,why do we react badly towards loss or just life in general. some times the answers are there sometimes there not. In gene piece he also mentions how Jesus took compassion on the ones who came to see him, even in his pain he found time to put his needs aside and help those around him, in this way he healed his hurt just like gene is being healed by helping his family and friends he is receiving his inner healing . we or i may never know why i react the way i do to life. but it is our scars our imperfections that draws the outside in. being perfect, is OK to make a goal for or to shoot for, but it's our scars our imperfections that draws people to us. it gives them comfort to know that you don't have to be right all the time or make all the right decisions. so long as you don't forget who can really bring you past yourself. that is Jesus.so gene you did good and keep on keeping on. you mentioned about the people who come to your church might be a Little ruff around the edges. well i seem to remember a story about a wedding no one wanted to attend, so the father had his servant gather all the most unlikely crowd and dressed them, because they came willingly and they were rewarded with the greatest reward of all . life eternal god wants us scars and all. so come all ye people unto my shelter and i will give you rest. ask all the questions you want and make as many mistakes failing is not failure but growth. so come on I'm here and i understand. i do have you in my hand my heart and my love.

not much to say

i have been so busy lately we had a big thanksgiving ate to much and had lots of family around we love our extended family also. now i am preparing for the Christmas dinner at our church and here in my home everyone will be here so we've decided to do this in our garage and now we have to rearrange it for everyone to fit heat it and decorate crazy yes fun maybe but worth it most definitely i love Christmas it's fun but i also love celebrating the birth of king Jesus he is the reason for the season but he is the reason for all seasons. i want to celebrate his life every day. god has been opening a lot of doors for us lately and i am still praying for that miracle my special request and i know it will come god said so. i believe it . i may not have allot of money to spend for gifts but god has given me the greatest gift of all his son and he has given me so much more. well keep praying keep laughing keep on keepin on because god is the only way out the only way up the only way through. Jesus knew this and loved his father for it he gave his life for us and lived his life for us through his father for us . so don't put self first put him first and all else will follow amen.

In the crest of his hand

the holy ghost spoke this at Sunday service and God has truly proved this statement this week. my husband is a truck driver he halls a flatbed which carries steel and lumber. this week he picked up a load of flat steel it wasn't loaded properly and he noticed this when he had stopped in Huston to see his mother for about and hour or so. he called me very worried about it he said part of his load had shifted to the front and would have to stop in at his terminal in Little rock to get it fixed. little did he know that not only had the load shifted but it had cut through some of the straps holding the load in place and had broken a few of the chains just before he made it to the yard he called again for me to pray and pray i did he still did not know at this point and time just how bad it was i prayed all last night and this morning when i heard the desperation in my husbands voice i knew something was wrong when he arrived at his yard and they began to reload the steel that is when the tail of how serious this could have been my husband could have lost his life and so could many others who passed if this load had of broken loose. yes God does have his children in the crest of his hand. and he will NEVER let us go . my husband is alive today because of Gods powerful love for him and countless others so yes i have much to be thankful for. we are heading to north Carolina tomorrow for the holidays and to pick up a friend and bring her back home. because of the problems with my husbands load they had to move up the delivery date to Monday. so we get to leave a day earlier which maybe the holiday traffic wont be as bad well maybe . pray for our safety everyone have a safe and stress free thanksgiving God Bless.